By the time he'd slid into the passenger seat, Alec just let go. He couldn't hold it together any longer. Sometimes the dazed unconscious state was the only thing that got Alec through the mental scouring. That's what it was... a metal scouring pad that scrubbed at his memories... thoughts... feelings... till they were bleeding. Just like when he'd killed Rachel. Only... it felt worse this time.
When he started to come to, there was a flicker of panic in his eyes as he tried to grasp where he was... then slowly he eased back into the serene indifference. Darkened green stared blankly at nothing in particular until feeling edges its way back into his conscious thought. Blinking a few times, he slowly turned his head into the soft fingertips and let his eyes focus on their owner. Ben. And it was like being able to finally breathe again.
Each breath was getting shakier the more memories fell into place... and then fear. Alec hadn't been entirely afraid of what Manticore would do to him. But he was terrified of what Ben thought of him now. Now that he'd been utterly useless. Brow furrowing, he reached up and curled his fingers around Ben's hand and drew it to his lips. The burning in his eyes was warning him how dangerously close to breaking down he was. All the headway he made... trying so hard to get close to him. One afternoon and it was possibly gone.
"Ben..." Everything still hurt. But it was better. He didn't feel like he'd pass out anymore... "I'm sorry..." For leaving without him. For getting caught. For all around letting his brother down. "Not so awesome am I?"
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2011-01-12 02:47 am (UTC)When he started to come to, there was a flicker of panic in his eyes as he tried to grasp where he was... then slowly he eased back into the serene indifference. Darkened green stared blankly at nothing in particular until feeling edges its way back into his conscious thought. Blinking a few times, he slowly turned his head into the soft fingertips and let his eyes focus on their owner. Ben. And it was like being able to finally breathe again.
Each breath was getting shakier the more memories fell into place... and then fear. Alec hadn't been entirely afraid of what Manticore would do to him. But he was terrified of what Ben thought of him now. Now that he'd been utterly useless. Brow furrowing, he reached up and curled his fingers around Ben's hand and drew it to his lips. The burning in his eyes was warning him how dangerously close to breaking down he was. All the headway he made... trying so hard to get close to him. One afternoon and it was possibly gone.
"Ben..." Everything still hurt. But it was better. He didn't feel like he'd pass out anymore... "I'm sorry..." For leaving without him. For getting caught. For all around letting his brother down. "Not so awesome am I?"