Who is saving who?

[alec_mcdowell]

When he'd had enough of seeing Logan looking like a zombie (and zombies are much more lively), he did his own research. So maybe he was a little selfish not doing the run with Max and the others on Manticore... but he had someone to keep in mind other than himself. They couldn't expect it of him. Maybe it was better anyway... so he could go get Max's ass out himself. Before Logan did something stupid or starved to death... or Ben decided he wanted to go spring his Maxy. And seriously? He was never letting Manticore get their claws in Ben ever again.

So he left a note with Logan... addressed to Ben. All it had said was, 'I'm sick of both of you looking like someone ran over your puppy. So... I'm going to get her out. You can thank me later, I know I'm an awesome little brother. Ben... don't go near Manticore. I mean it. Yours Truly, Alec' And for all the irritation it would cause, it was just the way Alec was. He didn't want to go. But he'd make light of it... and cross his fingers that he wouldn't get burned for it.

He should have remembered that the best laid plans always seemed to walk him straight into hell. And he'd almost made it too. He'd forgotten how freakin' creepy X7s were. And after fun filled events of re-indoctrination... Manticore decided to have a little more fun and tie up loose ends. Which landed him back here... the one place he never wanted to be ever again. Psy-Ops. But the jerks could all burn in hell... cause he wasn't going to tell them anything about Ben. And by now... that was the only thought he could actually recall as even his own pain and possible screams were blurred out.

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[findingworth.livejournal.com]

Ben had been able to escape easily with Alec slung almost completely over his back in the chaos that Max's actions had caused. It'd been a smart idea to let all of the transgens out, because apparently the woman in charge decided to completely blow up the compound to cover her tracks. The only downside, was the fact that there were now a large amount of transgens running around with no idea where to go, and no idea what to do, almost like when his unit had escaped.

Dodging the few guards that had appeared in the woods he quickly bundled Alec into the car he'd brought with him, worried by the quiet stillness of his twin in the passenger seat the entire way back to Seattle. He hadn't told Logan or Max his little change in plans, taking an obtuse route through the city until he finally arrived a few blocks away from the place he and Alec had set up to live in.

Grabbing his twin carefully in his arms, he double-checked they hadn't left anything behind and started the long trek towards the Needle. He didn't even notice the many flights of stairs, his eyes trained onto his twin's face as he tried to catch any flicker of change within. A short time later they entered the top floor and he walked over to the part they'd turned into a bedroom area and laid him down on his own bed carefully.

Grabbing the rest of the blankets they had he wrapped his brother up carefully before kneeling beside his head and crossing his arms atop the bed next to him, setting his chin atop them as he continued to watch him carefully. He didn't know how long he stayed there, but after awhile he began to run his fingers soothingly through his hair and along the side of his face, needing that sense of touch to keep himself grounded and aware of the fact that his brother was still alive.

[onlyoneworthy.livejournal.com]

By the time he'd slid into the passenger seat, Alec just let go. He couldn't hold it together any longer. Sometimes the dazed unconscious state was the only thing that got Alec through the mental scouring. That's what it was... a metal scouring pad that scrubbed at his memories... thoughts... feelings... till they were bleeding. Just like when he'd killed Rachel. Only... it felt worse this time.

When he started to come to, there was a flicker of panic in his eyes as he tried to grasp where he was... then slowly he eased back into the serene indifference. Darkened green stared blankly at nothing in particular until feeling edges its way back into his conscious thought. Blinking a few times, he slowly turned his head into the soft fingertips and let his eyes focus on their owner. Ben. And it was like being able to finally breathe again.

Each breath was getting shakier the more memories fell into place... and then fear. Alec hadn't been entirely afraid of what Manticore would do to him. But he was terrified of what Ben thought of him now. Now that he'd been utterly useless. Brow furrowing, he reached up and curled his fingers around Ben's hand and drew it to his lips. The burning in his eyes was warning him how dangerously close to breaking down he was. All the headway he made... trying so hard to get close to him. One afternoon and it was possibly gone.

"Ben..." Everything still hurt. But it was better. He didn't feel like he'd pass out anymore... "I'm sorry..." For leaving without him. For getting caught. For all around letting his brother down. "Not so awesome am I?"

[findingworth.livejournal.com]

Ben felt himself perk up as he noticed Alec's eyelids fluttering, only for his heart to clench in his chest as he noticed that blank stare. Continuing to run his fingertips along the side of his face he waited for that look to change and for his brother to come back from whatever nightmare he was having.

He took in a sharp breath as he felt Alec's fingers tangle with his own, tightening his grip on them even as a strange tingle ran through him at the kiss. His brow instantly furrowed, though, at the soft words his brother began to speak, shaking his head to ward them off. He'd long since gotten over his anger, more worried about his brother than anything else, never having been this attached to someone he hadn't known what he was going to do if he hadn't been able to get him back.

'Alec...' Lifting up he slid his fingers out of Alec's hand and back through his hair, smoothing along his neck in a soothing motion as he moved closer. 'How could you think that...'

[onlyoneworthy.livejournal.com]

Searching his brother's face, he almost sobbed at the feeling of that split second that Ben's hand pulled from his. It took a monumental effort to not let it out. Breathing in with slow deep breaths, he coiled his fingers in the blanket and calme a little when the hand slid into his hair. "How could I not?"

Voice still a little cracked from screaming his throat raw... he suddenly wondered if Max got that far. If they'd gotten started on her. He hoped not. She may be annoying as hell... but he wished this on no one. It made him feel so.. hollow. And even though he remotely acknowledged that Max had been with them in the escape... he could't apply feeling or emotion unless it was Ben.

"Ben... please don't leave me..." Voice soft, he moved his hand to curl around his brother's forearm softly. "I swear I won't mess up like that again..." Alec had never cared about being a soldier till he met Ben. He wanted Ben to be proud of him. And right now he felt unbelievably young and desperate.

[findingworth.livejournal.com]

Ben's expression fell as his brother's voice cracked, gasping softly as he twined his other hand into the hand clenching onto the sheets. Clenching his jaw he moved before he could catch himself, sliding under the blankets he'd piled onto his brother and wrapping his body in his arms.

When they were younger and still back at Manticore, Ben had always been the one to go to his brother's and sister's and comfort them, offer them rays of hope in the darkness they had been born into. Even though some of the ideals he'd grown up with didn't completely translate fully to the world they'd been exposed to, but it had still kept him safe the past ten years.

Slipping an arm under his brother he pulled him to his chest and continued to run his fingers through his hair, kissing the top of his head as he let out a silent prayer to the Lady to keep his brother strong. 'Said it before, not leavin' you now.' Eyes shut tight he couldn't help but want to hunt down every single person at Manticore who did this to his brother and make them pay, knowing the Lady would keep him strong and help him get his vengeance on those that had hurt Alec. The only thing that kept him in his spot was the feel of his brother's body pressed against his own and the fact that Alec needed him more right now than anything else and he didn't plan on letting his brother out of his sight for a long time.

[onlyoneworthy.livejournal.com]

Warm. Ben was so unbelievably warm. And for all the exhaustion and pain, Alec was suddenly moving to wind his arms about his twin's chest desperately. Pressing his face into the solid plane, he turned his head to press his ear over his heart. Even for how he was right now, Alec didn't break. He never gave them what they wanted. He'd never give up Ben.

"Thank you." Voice calming a little, he clutched at his twin a little tighter. This was the only place he'd ever felt safe. Tipping his head up to look up at his twin, he finally pried one hand up to let his fingertips run along Ben's jaw. The conviction he'd had to go in the first place... he said it was for Logan too but the reality was... "I only went for you... because you love her so much."

His brow furrowed just a little before he ducked his head and pressed into his chest again. "I didn't want to see you upset anymore..." Letting his hand just rest on the side of Ben's neck, he closed his eyes. "I didn't want you to have to go back to Manticore for any reason. Never messed up so royally before..."

[findingworth.livejournal.com]

Hugging Alec tighter to him he buried his face in the top of his twin's hair, breathing in his scent to sooth the anger and pain he could still feel warring in his chest. Seeing what they'd done to him in the time he'd been gone only made Ben wish he'd caught on sooner to the fact that Alec had gone after Max and stopped him. In the short time he'd known his twin, he'd caught onto the fact that he was impulsive and sometimes rash, and he should've known as soon as he saw how badly Logan and he, apparently, were taking Max's capture, he would've gone after her.

Ben just hadn't expected how badly he would be treated while he was there, but he supposed he should've. Defecting soldiers were never treated kindly, especially not if they were to run to the 'enemy' and eventually try to help them. Rubbing his hand soothingly along his brother's back he tried to impose as much strength as he could into him, not knowing what else he could do to help.

Glancing down into his eyes, his brow furrowed as Alec explained his reasoning behind going back to Manticore, heart clenching in his chest as he pressed Alec's face further into his neck and sliding his hand through his hair. 'Alec...I love Max, but...I care about you more, and...jesus, you know I tore about Seattle for days after you disappeared, not knowing where you were and unable to find any leads. Not until Logan finally pinned me down and showed me your note.' His arms tightened reflexively as he flashed back to that moment, gasping lowly as he remembered the sheer panic he'd felt after reading that note and knowing if Logan hadn't been there Ben probably would've tried to take down Manticore all by himself.

'Never been more scared in my life...' Burying his face back into Alec's hair he let out a shuddering breath. 'Don't ever do that again, okay?'

[onlyoneworthy.livejournal.com]

Blinking a few times against the soft skin of Ben's neck, his hands clutched at the material of his brother's shirt. He wanted him closer... wanted to just melt into him like he never existed to begin with... but those words. Closing his eyes, he let them run through him as gusts and shaky breaths spilled over his brother's neck. A low sound left him at the petting of his hair and he smiles just a little... the faintest quirk at the corner of his lips.

"Care about me more? No love?" It was only half amusement... the other half curious. Only Rachel had ever said that to him, but she'd had no clue who he was. Ben knew. Knew everything about him. And Alec suddenly wanted to hear that from him... even if it was just sibling love. Why did it not feel like enough though? And why did the idea of Ben ripping Seattle about to find him feel so... good?

"I won't... not doing anything without you again." He should have talked it out with Ben. They might have gotten in and out without Alec having to deal with re-indoctrination and Psy-Ops. But right now.. he wanted to calm Ben down. Picking through his mind, he picked the first thing he could to attempt to ease himself back into the cocky jester role that he could find. "Cause seriously? I don't ever want to be locked in a cell with Max ever again with orders to copulate. That's just..." Shuddering at the thought, he knew his voice was flatter... but he was trying. He wanted to reassure Ben.

Alec would pull out of this... Psy-Ops just always knew how to take every bit of air out of his ego and leave him numb. And if Ben kept holding on to him, he might even recover faster than ever before.

[findingworth.livejournal.com]

Did he love him? Ben hadn't felt any connection with someone other than his unit since they'd left, at least not till he'd found out about Alec, but ever since they'd met there'd been this underlying emotion between them that he hadn't been able to shake. It was only when he'd almost lost his twin to Manticore that he'd come to realize just how much he felt for the other man.

Tilting his head down he pressed their foreheads together and let his eyes closed as he whispered softly. 'If there were anyone out there that I loved, it would be you.' He tightened his grip in the back of his brother's hair as he moved closer to him under the blankets.

Not even his brother's small attempt at amusement could keep him from loosening his grip on his brother. 'I don't want that either...Probably never hear the end of it from any of you.' He didn't question the sudden tightening of his fists at the thought of his brother 'copulating' with anyone else, even though he wondered a bit why he was more annoyed by thinking about Alec with anyone else, rather than Max.

[onlyoneworthy.livejournal.com]

When those words hit him, his better quivered in...delight? It was definitely sheer delight. Making a soft sound, he pulled Ben to him and he tipped his head just right to whisper in his ears. "Life's too short not to put your heart on the line..." It was what he'd been telling himself... daily... since he lost her. And now that he had clarity, he was taking his own advice. "I love you." Three words he'd not even been able to say to Rachel. And they came like a prayer to Ben.

Breathing in shakily, he turned his face into his twin's neck and airily pressed a kiss to the feeling of his pulse. "She's never getting any of my genes for her rug rats. She can go ask Logan to be a donor." Snorting faintly, he felt like his mind was slowly coming back to life the more Ben just held him like this. "Ben..."

Pulling back just enough to look him in the eye, he worked at smiling more this time. And maybe his face wasn't cooperating as nicely as he'd like it to... his eyes conveyed most of the warmth. "I've been through this before... but you..." It had taken him weeks just to feel a flicker of emotion before... with Ben... "I didn't wake up for days last time."

[findingworth.livejournal.com]

Ben's body erupted in goosebumps at the soft kiss to his neck, eyes falling closed as he was suddenly filled with confusion over his reaction. He'd known he felt something for the other man, a connection deeper than anything he'd ever experienced, but...there was something else there he still didn't quite understand. The kiss to his neck and words of love only making him more confused as he continued to slide his fingers through the hair at the back of his twin's head, humming softly in agreement.

His brow furrowed again at the sound of his name, eyes sliding down to meet with matching irises, expression instantly turning troubled as he remembered exactly how he'd ended up in Psy-Ops the first time. Even though he really had no actual bearings on Alec's predicament, Ben couldn't help but feel slightly guilty that he'd caused such a young child to have to go through what he did, only adding another black mark against Manticore in his eyes.

Lifting a hand he trailed his fingers softly along the side of his head, smoothing over slowly awakening facial muscles, wanting to see the bright grins and laughter his twin was usually filled with and not...this. 'Then you should be sleeping. I didn't mean to wake you up...Just...I had to know you were still alive...' Biting his bottom lip on the emotions threatening to get out he hid his face in the top of Alec's head again and held him closer, hoping the body contact would be enough to wipe away the worry he could still feel coursing through his veins.

[onlyoneworthy.livejournal.com]

"I'm not..." He searched for the word as his eyes half closed from the feeling of Ben's pressed into his hair. Alec knew what physical contact felt like. But where he derived pleasure from any contact Ben gave him... it was the emotion as well. This was... emotional pleasure? "I'm not saying it right."

Searching his mind, he was digging through the numbed out senses and memories. Memories Manticore was trying to take away in their own right. Shivering, he clutched Ben closer. He'd fought tooth and nail to keep memories, thoughts, and emotions for Ben close to himself. Maybe that was why? "Like... Max... I don't... I don't remember much about her. Other than... she was there. But you... I could focus on you. Hear you. You make me..." Struggling at the words, he slid his hands up to cup Ben's face in them and lift his head to meet his eyes again.

"Come alive." Sweeping his thumbs slowly over his twin's cheek bones, he pulled the slightly older sibling down letting their noses touch. "I'm alive..." Lashes fluttered up and for a stunned second he understood and almost broke his heart. But... were transgenics normal anyway? Would feeling that way about his twin be so off base?

Breathing in slowly, he pushed a little closer and softly touched their lips together in a tender kiss before closing his eyes and waiting for the negative reaction.

[findingworth.livejournal.com]

Breathing in soft scent that was inherently his brother slowly began to relax him, knowing that he was here, safe in his arms, kept the urge to wreck anything that had dared touch was was his at bay. Even though the thoughts were strange he couldn't help the, just as he couldn't help but pull back and look down into his twin's eyes as he tried to puzzle through whatever was going through his mind.

Eyes widening briefly as his face was cupped between Alec's hands, that look of confusion didn't disappear. Lashes fluttering closed slowly at the touch to his cheeks he couldn't help a soft gasp that left him and caused him to lift his free hand to cover Alec's on his cheek. Twining their fingers together he tried to help along whatever healing his brother was able to garner from him.

What he hadn't expected, though, was to feel the sudden press of another set of lips against his own, his eyes instantly snapping open to take in the face of his brother, his twin, and the man that had given him his first kiss. 'Alec?' Brow furrowed he moved his hand to slide along his twin's cheek in imitation of his earlier motions on Ben, voice low between them. Trying to convey his confusion, but not about the fact that they were twins, the thought really not bothering Ben like it probably should, but over the fact that he'd kissed him. Alec was alive and vivacious and could make something of himself, not be stuck with his twin who still found it hard to go out into a crowd and not mark out each and every way to take down the entire square in a matter of moments

Hoping his actions conveyed his thoughts better than his words he slowly moved their heads closer together, pressing their foreheads against each other as he whispered out that soft word he'd ask all of those weeks ago. 'Why?'

[onlyoneworthy.livejournal.com]

That cool look in his eyes from lack of focus was warming... and he let his gaze linger on the fingers intertwining with his own. Sweeping his thumb along the side of Ben's hand, he slid his eyes back to his brother's. Nothing motivated him before beside self-preservation. Alec had a strong will to live on principle... but now... Ben? Ben moved him to act like nothing and no one else could. Even money. And that had shocked him more than anything else at first. Now... now he just knew, accepted it and stayed close to his twin.

But after that chaste kiss, a slight rise of panic fluttered about in his chest at the soft sound of his name on Ben's lips. Pressing his own together, they tingled from that brief contact. For a moment he wanted to pull away. He'd screwed up... but the feeling of Ben's hands stilled him and that almost innocent look of confusion made him love him even more.

"Because you're my perfect fit. I feel like I belong when I'm with you. And I know I'd do anything for you." Sliding his thumb along Ben's jaw, he touched their noses softly and reveled in the warm puffs of his twin's breath. "Because I swore to myself if I loved something, I wouldn't sit back and lose it. Someone." This time he managed a tiny smile. "All I want... all I need... is right here. But... you know.. it's ok. If you don't feel that way. I'm not gonna push you for anything. I just... like you close."

And he'd tell himself that. That he was fine just seeing Ben everyday. Even though he knew it was going to hurt. "I'm sorry..." Not that he told Ben... but maybe the kiss was pushing it.